The Weetabix Man, Eddie the Pole and Mario the Conductor

All larger than life characters on Glasgow’s Whisky Club’s first outing of the year to Ben Nevis Distillery in Fort William. They were joined by Burt Lancaster, David Puttnam, Braveheart and Highlander. Not forgetting our own characters, who made the trip so enjoyable, my cheeks were sore at the end. From laughing, you reprobates!

Train trips with GWC have a certain similarity. There’s the One Who Almost Misses The Train, The One Who Brings The Cake and The Rest Who Bring The Booze. And so, as 9am was approaching, the first bottle came out, courtesy of Big Andy. We continued munching, sipping, enjoying the stunning scenery for the long haul to Fort William, where the distillery had laid on transport to get us the final 1.8 miles (thank you Duncan).

Fabulous setting for Ben Nevis Distillery

Visitor Centre Manager John Carmichael welcomed us with mushroom soup (with real mushrooms) and a couple of piles of sandwiches. Suitably replenished, the dozen and a half of us began the guided tour. First surprise was the appearance of managing director Colin Ross, who made us welcome with a few remarks. But he and John were candid about the state of the distillery, which is looking rundown and sad. They’ve been promised investment by the Japanese owners Nikka, and it can’t come soon enough.

A distillery in the prime heart of Scotland’s tourist industry, and sitting under the mighty shoulders of Ben Nevis, should be a showpiece for tourists and whisky aficionados alike. Sadly the air of neglect tells a different story. We don’t normally get political or controversial here at GWC, but some times you just have to call it: Nikka should be ashamed of themselves for allowing the distillery to fall into such a state of disrepair that people apologised for it every step of the way.

Time to splash the cash

Rant over and on to the positives. It’s a great, accessible distillery for the able-bodied, but obviously there are steep stairs to climb. However, there were no restrictions to us clambering all over the still house and the tun room, getting up close and very personal.

Still House

John is a witty and extremely knowledgeable host and had us in knots with stories of distillery life, some of which I’d need to run past the club’s lawyers before I published them here. Suffice to say, the image of the very hirsute Big Jim emerging naked from a mash tun looking as if he was a walking Weetabix will remain with me for a very long time. Sadly, libel laws prevent me writing about Eddie the Pole and his expertise with a (supposedly) tamper-proof Spirit Safe. Eddie came to the Distillery from war-ravaged Europe, having been helped to escape by a certain Roman Catholic priest who became Pope John Paul II.

John Carmichael with new member Matthew, while John looks on and Blackie looks away

After the tour, we repaired to the visitor centre (possibly being replaced as part of a promised multi-million pound investment) for a handful of drams and a plethora of tales so tall, none of us were really sure where fact and fiction went their separate ways.

One of the warehouses was used for interior shots for Local Hero, Braveheart and Highlander. The prequel of Ridley Scott’s Alien is also going to be shot there. We heard candid observations about Burt Lancaster and David Puttnam, high praise for new music sensations Mumford and Sons, who held a surprise gig for 200 then carried on in one of the local pubs.

But the drams were left to speak for themselves. First up was a youngster, barely four years old, then a 12-year-old De Luxe Blend, the rival to Chivas Regal, which has won awards. The familiar 10-year-old was next. This is the expression that won an international whisky event three years in a row. The first and only time this has happened, that prompted the distillery to never enter it again!

Next was a world exclusive – a dram so rare it doesn’t even have a name. John called it “their equivalent of a cat barking” so out of character with the distillery’s usual offerings. Very, very young and heavily peated, it came close to the original whisky Long John McDonald, the founder of the distillery, started with. Restricted to three casks only, it will never be for sale, so we were privileged to try it.

Blended at Birth

Straight from the cask we had a very dark, treacle and creosote offering with a fabulous nose, but sadly a bitter, woody taste and no finish. This was the 40 year Blended at Birth 50/50 single malt and single grain. I fear it spent too long in the wood. Matthew, one of our new members, described it as being like a stew with no stock.

Last up was a 25-year-old from a single cask and single maturation that was a gold winner in the Scottish Field awards. A cracking dram to end the day. Many thanks to Colin and John for their generosity. I hope their hard work gets the rewards it deserves.

And Mario?  A complete character from Portugal who shared our trip home as our train conductor. He refused drink after drink until he signed off at Crianlarich (I think), then availed himself of a Bowmore which he promptly elevated into his top ten. He got off the train, returned two carriages down sporting a huge pair of Sophia Loren sunglasses and sprinted back up to the club’s mobile HQ to up pick a wee cairry oot, before dashing into the night to huge cheers! Bonkers!

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